Because Not Everyone Deserves a Seat at Your Table
Your Circle Shapes Your Growth
"Not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime—some are only meant to teach you what you no longer accept."
Healing from dysfunctional family dynamics changes you. If you’ve been the scapegoat or the people-pleaser, you may have friendships that were built on survival, not alignment.
The hard truth? Not everyone grows with you. And that’s okay.
It’s time to audit your connections—not out of judgment, but with clarity.
The Connection Audit is a 5-step system designed to help you evaluate your friendships and decide:
✔️ Who genuinely aligns with your growth?
✔️ Who drains, dismisses, or depletes you?
✔️ Who deserves a place in your life moving forward?
Let me explain...
Why Friendship Patterns Are Often Rooted in an Unhealthy Family Environment
If you grew up in dysfunctional dynamics, your friendships may reflect patterns like:
Attracting people who treat you like your toxic family did.
Feeling guilty for setting boundaries.
Holding onto one-sided friendships out of obligation.
Prioritising others’ comfort over your own emotional needs.
Breaking this cycle requires conscious evaluation—not guilt, just clarity.
This is where The Connection Audit comes in.
The Connection Audit
5 Ways to Accurately Assess Your Friendships
Score each friend from 1-5 based on these five areas:
(1 = This friendship is misaligned. 5 = This friendship deeply supports me.)
1. Reciprocity: Is This Friendship Mutually Nourishing?
Do they check in on you as much as you do them?
Are they genuinely happy for your success, or do they seem indifferent?
Do you feel equally supported, or does it feel one-sided?
🔹 Score: (1-5)
2. Emotional Safety: Can You Be Your Authentic Self?
Do you feel safe sharing your thoughts and emotions?
Are they judgmental or dismissive when you open up?
Can you be yourself without walking on eggshells?
🔹 Score: (1-5)
3. Growth Alignment: Do They Support Who You’re Becoming?
Do they celebrate your healing, or resist your evolution?
Are they growing themselves, or are they stagnant?
Do they respect your boundaries, or guilt-trip you for changing?
🔹 Score: (1-5)
4. Trust & Integrity: Do Their Actions Match Their Words?
Can you rely on them when it matters?
Do they keep your confidence, or do they gossip?
Do they respect your time, energy, and values?
🔹 Score: (1-5)
5. Energy Audit: How Do You Feel After Being Around Them?
Do they uplift and inspire you, or leave you emotionally exhausted?
Do you feel obligated to maintain the friendship, or is it natural?
Would you choose to befriend them today, knowing what you know now?
🔹 Score: (1-5)
Interpreting Your Connection Audit Score
✨ 22-25 points: A deeply aligned friendship—nurture it.
⚖️ 16-21 points: There’s value here, but check for imbalances. Have an honest conversation.
⛔ 11-15 points: This friendship may be more draining than supportive. Time for serious reflection.
🚨 Below 10 points: This friendship no longer aligns with your growth. It may be time to let go.
Releasing Guilt - Outgrowing People Doesn’t Mean You’re Unkind
One of the hardest parts of healing is realising that not everyone can come with you. But letting go doesn’t mean you’re cruel—it means you’re choosing alignment over obligation.
💡 You are not responsible for maintaining relationships that drain you.
💡 You do not owe anyone access to you just because of history.
💡 You are allowed to prioritise friendships that feel safe, mutual, and uplifting.
It’s not personal. It’s growth.
Growth Exposes, It Doesn’t Betray
Not everyone will be consciously aware of why they behave the way they do. Some friendships will shift simply because your growth makes them see where they’re stagnant.
Others will resist your evolution—not out of malice, but because they only knew how to relate to the older version of you.
And that’s okay.
The Connection Audit isn’t about judgment—it’s about clarity. Your new awareness of your own patterns, behaviors, and needs will naturally highlight misalignment. That’s not betrayal. That’s evidence of growth.
The reality is:
✨ Some people will evolve with you.
⚖️ Some will stay where they are.
🚪 And some will fall away when they realise they can no longer access you in the same way.
In the words of Mel Robbins.....Let them.
Because the friendships that are truly meant for you?
They won’t fear your growth—they’ll rise with you.
Now, the real question is.......Who’s still standing beside you?
Your Healing, Your Growth, Your Choice
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Together, we can work on:
✅ Breaking generational patterns that keep you stuck in unhealthy relationships
✅ Healing from family scapegoating and recognising how it impacts your friendships
✅ Developing emotional boundaries to protect your peace
✅ Releasing toxic loyalty so you can build relationships that truly support you
✅ Reclaiming your authentic self and surrounding yourself with connections that align with your growth
Remember: Your experience is valid. Outgrowing friendships that no longer align with you isn’t selfish—it’s a sign of healing. Whether you're just beginning to recognise unhealthy relationship patterns or are already stepping into a new version of yourself, I’m here to help you navigate this journey with clarity and confidence.
With compassion and understanding,
Angela
Trauma-Informed Hypnotherapist & Family Scapegoating Recovery Specialist
P.S. If you’re struggling with guilt as you release relationships that no longer serve you, I’ve created a free 5-minute hypnotherapy session to help you release guilt and find inner peace. 💛 Access it here.
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