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The Smear Campaign | How Abusers Discredit and Silence Their Victims

Writer's picture: Angela BuckleyAngela Buckley
11 minutes ago4 min read


Manipulation and Misinformation


Have you ever noticed how, when a woman speaks out against abuse, suddenly she’s labeled as ‘crazy,’ ‘a liar,’ or ‘difficult’? That’s no accident.


Lately, I’ve been paying close attention to how abuse is portrayed in the media, especially in cases connected to the Me Too movement. One pattern stands out over and over again: the targeted effort by abusers to discredit, humiliate, and isolate their victims.


This isn’t just a coincidence—it’s a deliberate strategy. Abusers know that if they can control the narrative, they can control the people around their victim. They manipulate friends, family, and even authorities to turn against the victim, often portraying themselves as the ones who have been wronged. And with the rise of social media, they now have a powerful tool for public shaming, harassment, and defamation.


The Smear Campaign: A Tool for Power and Control


A smear campaign is one of the most devastating tactics an abuser can use. It works by:


  • Flipping the Script – Abusers often portray themselves as the true victims, shifting blame and painting the real victim as unstable or dishonest.


  • Gaining Allies – They manipulate friends, family, and even authorities, using charm and lies to destroy their victim’s credibility.


  • Social Media Attacks – Online harassment, public defamation, and relentless shaming make the abuse more far-reaching and difficult to escape.


  • Family Betrayal – In toxic family dynamics, the smear campaign reinforces the role of the scapegoat, ensuring that the victim is further isolated and unsupported.


When the Lies Become Your Reality


I have personally experienced this from a young age. One instance that stands out—though sadly, there are many—is what happened when I left an abusive marriage. The lies that were spread about me were relentless. My entire family turned their backs on me, not because of anything I had done, but because they chose to believe a man they had known for only a short time over their own daughter.


It was humiliating. It was terrifying. I was left questioning myself, wondering if anyone would ever see the truth. What I didn’t realise at the time was that this was bigger than just one person’s lies—this was a pattern, one that my family had already established long before. I had always been the scapegoat, the one who could be blamed, the one whose voice was easiest to dismiss.


Back then, I didn’t even have the words to explain what was happening to me. This kind of abuse wasn’t widely understood. There were no resources, no support systems, and society was quick to side with authority figures—whether they were parents, spouses, or people in power. I was just the black sheep.


How to Survive and Overcome a Smear Campaign


When I first became the target of this smear campaign, I went into fawn mode, hoping that if I just stayed quiet and kept the peace, the truth would eventually come out. It never did. The seeds of doubt had been planted long before, and nothing I did or said could change their minds.


Looking back, I now understand that the best way to survive a smear campaign is to protect yourself, disengage, and stand firmly in your truth. Here’s what I’ve learned:


1. Recognise What’s Happening

  • Smear campaigns are a tactic used by abusers to maintain control.

  • It’s not about you—it's about their fear of being exposed.

  • Understanding this can help you detach emotionally from the lies.


2. Do Not Engage

  • Fighting back publicly only gives the abuser more power.

  • Proof often doesn’t matter—people who want to believe lies will believe them.

  • The best response is no response. Silence can be your greatest strength.


3. Find Your People

  • Seek support from those who truly see you and believe you.

  • True friends and chosen family will stand by you through it all.

  • If someone has turned against you without seeking your side of the story, they were never truly on your side.


4. Stay Grounded in Your Truth

  • Write about it, seek therapy, or talk to trusted friends who remind you of who you are.

  • Know that their lies do not define you.

  • Reaffirm your worth—abusers want you to doubt yourself, but you know your truth.


5. Rebuild on Your Own Terms

  • Healing takes time, but reclaiming your power is possible.

  • Set boundaries with those who try to manipulate or discredit you.

  • You don’t have to prove anything to those who refuse to see the truth.


Smear Campaigns and the Silencing of Women


One thing I have realised—both from personal experience and from observing how these tactics play out in the world—is that smear campaigns are one of the many ways misogynistic men silence women.


It is no coincidence that when women speak out, they are labeled as ‘unstable,’ ‘vindictive,’ or ‘attention-seeking.’ This isn’t just about individual cases—this is part of a larger societal pattern designed to keep women quiet and powerless.


I will be sharing a deeply personal post on Sunday about how male power is weaponised and used against women. If this post resonated with you, I encourage you to read that one as well.


You Are Not Alone


If you have ever been smeared, manipulated, or silenced, I want you to know this:


You are not alone.


I believe you.


Smear campaigns are meant to isolate and destroy you, but they don’t have to succeed. There are people who will stand by you, who will see the truth, and who will remind you of who you are.


Find those people.


Hold onto them.


And never forget your own strength.


Angela


Trauma-Informed Hypnotherapist & Family Scapegoating Recovery Specialist


P.S. If you’re struggling with guilt as you release relationships that no longer serve you, I’ve created a free 5-minute hypnotherapy session to help you release guilt and find inner peace. 💛 Access it here.





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