This is for you—the woman who has spent years nurturing others, bringing up your children, sometimes looking for love in the wrong places, and now you find yourself at a crossroads, you know there is a part of you that needs to be healed, you’ve been hiding from the subtle signs for most of your adult life, which seems a bit crazy because you are wise, resilient, and ready so what holds you back?
A UK study found that nearly half of the adult population reports experiencing at least one adverse childhood experience (ACE).
48% of adults in England have suffered at least one ACE during their childhood,
9% have experienced four or more…..
People who experience multiple ACEs were shown to be at a significantly higher risk of health issues.
Especially mental health issues like anxiety and stress, which can lead to using alcohol and recreational drugs in ways that are not the most useful to you, not only this but people who have experienced ACE’s also have a higher propability of relationship difficulties. Ranging from emotional abuse to serious domestic violence.
The economic and social costs of child abuse and neglect in the UK are estimated to be £7bn each year, covering health care, social services, and lost productivity.
Studies in the UK echo findings from other parts of the world, showing that women are more likely to experience certain types of trauma, including sexual abuse and emotional neglect.
Behind these statistics are countless stories of unspoken pain and hidden battles that can lead well into adulthood, affecting decisions, relationships, personal growth and work issues that you probably hadn’t even realised existed. You just crack on with life, self-soothing and not really understanding why.
I’m not here to point the finger at your childhood and make you question your whole existence, not at all, I’m just trying to give you some guidance on some of the behaviours you might have that could possibly relate to your childhood. We don’t all react the same to these types of circumstances so don’t worry if none of these things ring true to you..
Meet Joanne. A woman with a career many would envy, but beneath her professional success lies a tumultuous sea of unresolved emotions and unhealed wounds from childhood, and particularly some serious emotional abuse at the hands of both parents. Constantly told she was a failure and given no autonomy in her teenage years she didn’t even know who the real Jo was.
Her story of overspending (to numb loneliness) and repeated cycles of destructive relationships may resonate with you. It’s a testament to the deep-seated impact of a childhood overshadowed by fear and silence.
Joanne simply had never gone back that far and as us women do, just got on with it..
I and many other survivors of this type of familial abuse just hadn’t realised, it was our normal.
They were our parents and they were right, there was no allowance to question their authority and when you did you were shut out or dismissed.
My goal is to reach out through these words and let you know that your feelings are seen and your voice is heard, the utter shame we can sometimes feel after a lifetime of conditioning to believe we are completely at fault and not able to ever heal is one I have heard all too often and one I also believed.
We are not going mad, this happened, but also it doesn’t have to be your ultimate defining story.
There is hope and healing is not just a possibility, it’s a pathway that is available to all of us, I am living proof of that and so are my clients.
It can often seem like a lingering shadow, subtly influencing-or loudly dictating-your personal relationships, your self-esteem and your life choices and let me tell you some of mine have been hugely questionable.
These shadows of the past might make you feel stuck or just alone. I know I felt incredible shame when I actually opened up to a therapist, when you actually speak your truth and start.... it’s sometimes very hard to stop!
You might even think that it’s too late for healing or that your trauma isn’t “severe enough” to warrant any type of attention.
You could be worried about the cost-emotionally and financially-of delving in past pains.
All valid, there are a lot of free resources available and understanding groups you can join which shouldn’t stop you from getting the peace you so very much deserve even without therapy (I realise it's not for everyone).
The journey to healing and a peaceful life (if that is what you want) is transformative, it really does allow you to reclaim your life and find happiness that isn’t tainted by the past traumas you may have suffered.
Just imagine waking up feeling light, free and open to new opportunities you hadn’t even known were available to you?
To have nothing holding you back.
The ultimate benefit of facing and healing from your past.
I fully grasped the extent of my past traumas in my 40s, a realization that dawned after I stopped turning to alcohol to numb the pain. And there I was thinking I drank to have fun! My life entire adult life had been a whirlwind of abusive relationships, leading to a profound breakdown that left me homeless and utterly lost. Seeking support from my father turned out to be another misstep—he only offered conditional love and added to the emotional turmoil. It took time and guidance from an excellent therapist to confirm my suspicions about my dysfunctional family, who had long made me their scapegoat. Choosing to cut ties was a difficult yet liberating decision and was absolutely crucial in my healing journey.
Healing brings more than just relief from past pains; it offers a chance to redefine your identity, establish healthier relationships, and really start a future where decisions are driven by hope, not fear.
Imagine living not just with fewer worries but also with an amazing sense of freedom and self-worth!
In the stories I have shared -and perhaps in your own—we see that the pain of childhood does not have to define our tomorrows. By acknowledging and addressing these wounds, we not only free ourselves from their grip but also open the door to a life filled with greater meaning.
If this resonates with you, or if you recognize similar patterns in your life, I encourage you to take the first step towards healing today. Reach out for professional help, join a support group, even writing in a journal can help you start to come to terms with unwanted emotions or behaviours you just thought were a part of you.
Please feel free to connect with me and maybe subscribe to my email list, I’ll be sharing straightforward advice and insights that could help you on your journey, make your day a bit brighter and your mind a bit calmer.
Love
Angela
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